Oh yes, I do intend to pick this article apart one paragraph at a time.
"A hush comes over the Troxy, an art-deco theatre deep in London’s East End. At the back of the room, through a smoke-machine fog, the first fighter emerges. He punches his way through the smog and towards the cage, snarling into a camera, which throws his bonce up to a screen at the back of the room. In the crammed auditorium, four people watch. Everyone else is at the bar."
Actually, my table of ten people were at their seats watching the fight without me being able to take into account the viewers who were sat in the stalls above and behind me. So, that's at least double her count. Very impressive reporting there.
"His entourage includes burly team-mates, a trainer, two corner men and a strutting girl in heels, a Wonderbra and tiny hot pants. There are a lot of hot pants in the Troxy tonight. His challenger follows with a similarly puffed-up entry. The bell sounds. “Get him, you c***!” someone cries, and the first fight begins."
Has the reporter never been to a combat sport event before? The majority of fighters strut into the ring, that's how they get themselves worked up, some people come in quite quietly and subdued too. And as for shouting obscene things, it happens at football matches, rugby matches and at boxing events.
"There are 31 rules in cage fighting. They read like a medieval torture table mixed with tips from my brother. No eye gouging, no biting, no hair pulling, no groin attacks. No grabbing the clavicle or trachea, clawing, twisting or pinching the flesh. No putting your fingers in opponents’ orifices, cuts or lacerations. And so they go on…
And no fear. Yes, it’s a rule. “No timidity.”
Last time I checked, there are rules too, designed to look after the fighters, after all, it's a sport. They wouldn't have very long careers if you were allowed eye gouging or trachea grabs, just lots of broken and dead fighters. Otherwise you'd have things like this happen:
http://blogs.suntimes.com/oprah/assets_c/2009/10/101409oprah-thumb-500x352-12457.jpg Yes, no timidity, as it could get the fighter hurt, if you're not pushing the action you're leaving your opponent room to attack you. Offence is the best form of defence.
"Azran Quasid, a 23-year-old lightweight, staggers around the ring, the blood rushing so fast into his eyes from the cuts on his forehead he’s wiping it away with his gloves between punches. Now I know why Senator John McCain once dubbed this sport “human cockfighting”. And why for years the British Medical Association (BMA) has called for its cessation.
“This kind of competition hardly constitutes a sport,” says Dr Vivienne Nathanson, head of science and ethics at the BMA. “As a civilised society we should be campaigning to outlaw these activities. It can cause traumatic brain injury, joint injuries and fractures. The days of gladiator fights are over and we should not be looking to resurrect them.”"
That reminds me, must go and find my photos of Pacquaio versus Cotto. Ah yes, that'll do:
http://www.selaplana.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/11/pacquiao-vs-cotto.jpg. Strangely enough, bleeding profusely doesn't just happen in combat sports either:
http://d.yimg.com/eur.yimg.com/ng/sp/empics/4356493. Oh and as for watching people getting knocked unconscious I would recommend going to a Taekwondo tournament.
"In the US, MMA was hitting the big time. The UFC landed sponsorship deals with Harley-Davidson and Bud Light. Its annual revenue crept over $300m. In 2009, Forbes magazine estimated UFC was worth $1 billion. In the UK things were moving along more slowly. Until something unexpected happened that catapulted cage fighting out of the niche and onto the front pages: Katie Price started going out with one of them — Alex “the Reidinator” Reid."
Actually, some people might have said it was going pretty well up until the fall of PRIDE and EliteXC. Cage Rage had a talent trade deal going on with PRIDE which led to a number of fairly big names fighting on their cards. When Cage Rage was bought by Pro Elite the idea was that a number of fighters would be brough together and the pool of talent mixed throughout all of the events. Unfortunately, both organisations went belly up. Mixed Martial Arts has also featured on a number of cable and sky channels (Setanta, Sky Sports, Extreme Sports and Bravo) and Eurosports still has the odd K-1 event, long before the Reidinator was on Katie Price's radar.
"When I wanted to get behind the cage-fighting scenes, Alex seemed the ideal place to begin. A cross-dressing, Celebrity Big Brother-winning, Peter Andre nemesis, I was sure he’d be pretty representative. He was also the only fighter I could name. I called him six times pleading for an interview. I got no reply. So in the end I had to start my research in the next best place."
A good journalist then talks to people who might know a thing or two about the sport. Correct me if I'm wrong but doesn't the UFC have a UK promotional desk and address? They might have been able to point them in the right direction. At the very least, there is Google. I'm beginning to suspect the quality of her journalistic skills...
"Fighters Only magazine is Cosmo on steroids. Its glossy pages confirm every cage-fighter stereotype you already have: they’re big, they’re thick, they look scary, they like protein. Between adverts for muscle mass, a menagerie of meat heads growls at the camera, flexing biceps and spitting blood. “THE BALLS TO PULL IT OFF” reads the average headline." Thick? As in thickly built? Or thick as in stupid? As in the type who wouldn't run in political circles? Then I shouldn't mention Matt Lindland, Chael Sonnen or Mirko Filipovic then? Or thick as in stupid as in they couldn't own a law degree like say, Nick "The Goat" Thompson?
"If you close your eyes in Dan’s gym you can’t tell if you’re in an S&M dungeon or a gay nightclub. Clicking chains whipping together from fists pounding leather punchbags. Iron weights slamming to the floor. Orgasmic grunts of sparring martial artists, punching boxers and pumping weights. “Uh, uh, huh, huh, huh, yeah, yeah, yeah,” laid over a backing track of Ghostbusters mixed with Eye of the Tiger. And there’s the trainer. “Move, you f***ing pussies!”"
Has she been hanging out with Bob Arum?
http://boxing.fanhouse.com/2009/09/11/bob-arum-blasts-floyd-mayweather-mma/ Isn't it great when people say stupid things in front of a video camera? And as for a trainer shouting at you, most professional sports have pushy, in your face trainers that want to see their charges sweat buckets because, to quote Ian Freeman, "train hard, fight easy".
“Are you any good at chess?” I ask out of interest. He mumbles vaguely: “I’m all right.”
On a personal note, I hope that Dan's better than all right at BJJ when it comes to GSP later this month!
“Actually, this isn’t as bad as a lot of the sports we cover,” says Jenny the ringside paramedic. “Something like motorsport is so unpredictable: there are factors like weather conditions you can’t control. Here the fighters are all trained and the refs are very vigilant. Usually it’s a matter of getting in, checking it out, and they’re fine.”
When I used to play American football at university we were not allowed to start a game without there being an ambulance on site. We had lots of cuts and bruises and a number of dislocated joints. Unfortunately, it's what comes with the game. When you get into MMA, expect to be punched in the face, kicked in the legs and have your joints twisted and your throat squeezed. Know what you're getting into before you start something. If you don't want any of the above to happen to you don't take up mixed martial arts. It's not a sport for everybody just as boxing isn't a sport for everybody, as a spectator or taking part.
Dominic Plumb (26, 5ft 11in lightweight) is in the octagon just 36 seconds before he taps out. Later I find him in a sling. A self-employed bricklayer with three kids to support, he won’t be able to work for a week. “If he wasn’t so stubborn he’d have tapped out sooner,” complains his wife, Niki. “That’s a week’s earnings he won’t get now. But then that’s about what he made tonight.”
My suggestion to Mr Plumb is that he shouldn't take up mixed martial arts and have a physical job at the same time. It's an injury. Mind you, the same happens in rugby as well as football. If you can't afford the risk, you shouldn't do it. I have sympathy for him and I thank him for putting on a great show but I would recommend that he doesn't continue if he can't afford the injury lay offs. I for one would love to give bungee jumping a go, unfortunately I can't risk possibly hurting my back (as my family has a history of back related problems). I need to work and being laid up at home because I strained my back would be really silly.
"We’re talking about £300. It hardly seems worth the risk. The UFC says its top contenders command seven-figure sums, but one leading UK fighter tells me he is lucky to get £30,000 a fight. Given they enter the ring just two or three times a year, any match they miss hits their finances hard. At worst, it could spell the end of their career."
Ultimate Challenge is a small organisation but it's fighters can fight on regular basis. I'm curious as to how much low level boxers get paid to fight. How much did the losers of Sky Sport's Prize Fighter get paid if they're knocked out in the first round of the tournament? Also, you have to bear in mind that boxing is significantly more harsh when it comes to losing.
"And he’s not the only one who’s noticed. As the next two fighters grapple in the cage, the crowd have started a charming new chant: “You’re boring, you’re boring, you’re boring.”"
I never heard a single chant of that whilst I was there. I might have heard the call of "stand them up" but never that the fighters were being boring.
"The night yawns on, my attention fading. At least I’ve been promised one hell of an after party. What I get looks more like a school disco on steroids: a group of men with black eyes and women in Lycra bopping across a sticky dance floor. The fighters look exhausted and battered; most want nothing more than to fall into bed."
I wouldn't suggest going to a mixed martial arts events if you're not really interested. My girlfriend doesn't mind the sport, she accepts that I enjoy it and why I like it. I don't force her to watch it and I probably wouldn't take her to a show. Equally, I wouldn't go with her to go and see Michael Buble as I think his songs are a little boring.
"The red mist never comes. “What you need to do is get really angry. Are you angry?” screams Dave O’Donnell (the promoter behind Ultimate Challenge) hitting me on the head with a foam block. It hurts. But I don’t feel angry. “You’re rubbish. Give me 20,” he shouts. “Stop giggling!”"
Personally, if I was giggling my American football coaches and my personal trainer would tell me to get off their pitch or leave his lesson. A trainee should take their training seriously or risk getting hurt.